A True Story of a Magical Girl in an Extraordinary World
Over the last 6 weeks or so, I’ve been undergoing a journey that I’ve known for a long time would eventually land on my doorstep, but nevertheless knocked me somewhat sideways when it did – I couldn’t have prepared myself any better for the actual experience of facing it. Perfectly timed, residual layers of my past experience that had not yet yielded their gilded treasure in the form of insights exposed themselves to me in the stark light of a summer heatwave, with no remaining place of shade that they could continue to hide from meeting my full gaze undistractedly.
Little did I realise at the time, that aside from liberating me from the remaining tattered tethers that bound me to a worn out and painfully limited past dream, this process served to put me squarely in the path of what I’m really here to do, never to turn back again.
For some weeks, I’d felt completely taken out by the shocking realisation of quite how profoundly every facet of my life had been impacted by past trauma, that it was so much more extensive than I thought… like a veil was pulled back and the truth of what was previously unseen was fully illuminated, arresting me where I stood and keeping me fixated there in a frozen state. I felt like I’d been plunged into a cold lake and was held submerged, my limbs not even bothering to struggle for the surface. I wondered sincerely when or if I’d ever come out of it, I felt so completely broken by what had previously been suppressed suddenly standing fully revealed before my bewildered eyes.
Sitting on the edge of my bed at just after 1pm last Sunday still barely able to move, trapped in a sort of dazed and battered state, I asked of life in earnest “how am I supposed to do my work?”
The answer came almost before I’d even finished the question, “this is your work…”
A moment of startling clarity dawned on me as I realised that I’d secretly known this along, and within a few seconds another question had been asked of me and resolutely answered, “Are you ready to answer the call now?”
“Yes, I’m ready”.
In the split second of that decision and final acceptance of this path, my whole body filled with power; illumination flooding every cell of my being from head to toe. I felt profound peace, and then deep and genuine excitement, as a cascade of memories, signs, a trail I’d left for myself through the labyrinth of time came pouring back…
You cannot escape your purpose. It will follow you, and it will bang on your door, getting louder and louder until you have no choice left but to say yes to it. Until there are no available options left but to answer the call.
“You’re all out of options, there’s nothing left to lose, just jump”.
But this point of inevitability in singular choice also cannot be forced!
It’s divinely orchestrated in a way that can’t possibly be conceptualised by the small self from its contracted and limited vantage point.
Those who claim it isn’t only witness the moment in themselves when everything changes and attribute the shift to their own decision, but don’t see the larger picture of what has played out on a macro-cosmic level to orchestrate the very specific series of interconnected events and occurrences that go into any defining moment, and which take each of us in our own time to the place of inevitable ignition of what life has in store for us as our destiny (if we co-operate).
The more purpose is resisted, the more it’s going to show up in all manner of horrible experiences – depression, illness, loss and other cataclysms. It will get your attention whatever way it has to, but there is no eluding it. Miss it now, and it’ll catch you later after dragging you through the fire of your own delusions. There is no eluding it, no matter how hard you try…
The very moment I surrendered, the strain of the many weeks previous melted away in an instant, along with the feeling of being frozen in the dregs of my own traumatic memory. Purpose will get your attention whatever way it has to, but there is no eluding it… this period of intense challenge was the testing right before a massive ignition into who I really am, that was here to show me unequivocally that I cannot avoid this work that is simply mine to do and always has been.
At times, on and off, I’ve hidden this from myself… unable to admit even to myself the true extent of what I was dealing with as the reality of my own history of trauma and the power that this gave me to be a guide to others, for many reasons, including that it simply was not time. And yet I’ve danced with it in ways that perhaps have seemed blatantly obvious to onlookers or those who’ve been closely connected with me (including beloved clients).
When my dad phoned me back in February this year to wish me a happy 30th birthday, he asked me “how do you feel about being 30?”
I told him I was delighted, as I’d been waiting all my life for this much anticipated milestone. I’ve known since I was a tiny little girl that 30 would be the year when my “real” work would begin, when I would know what it was all about, when I’d be given the chance to answer the call for real this time. When all would be revealed. When everything I’d been doing would become fully clear… when my new life free from the captivity of the past would truly start. When I’d meet my true people, and be loved and accepted fully for who I really am.
It had been a silent lifelong struggle to have known this, and to have simply had to bide my time. This has taught me infinite patience, fortitude, perseverance, the ability to stick it out for the long-haul, and the value of waiting for the things that are worth waiting for, with faith and assuredness.
It’s true that I was delighted, but not without a degree of apprehension, because I knew from this time there would be no going back, no more trial runs, no more dress rehearsals. This would be the real deal, and I would have to be ready. Yet when the opportunity did come, it simply felt natural, inevitable, as I knew it would too. If I had to choose a word to sum the feeling up as I stand now, it would be completion.
When I was 4, an etheric Nagual teacher called “Grandfather” was assigned to me as a guide. I loved him, and he stuck with me for the next 16 years until I was ready to encounter the teacher of all teachers, the Mystic and Seer Almine, who I discovered in a bizarre and delightful way while selling handmade raw chocolate at an open air market. Grandfather gave me the name “Little Owl” and told me “you can see in the dark, Little Owl, don’t be afraid”. He trained me in the skills I would need to navigate the long period of darkness that followed.
Over the years, Grandfather reminded me consistently “this name is so you remember – you know who you are. You may seem small, but you are wise, Little Owl – don’t forget”. Yet still, at times I did forget, and had countless experiences of memory flooding back to me just as it did this week, a trail left through the labyrinth of time…
As a young girl growing up in rural Ireland, I learned the exact placement of the creaks on the stairs in our big old Georgian house, so I could sneak out during the night and walk alone in the darkness, where I found deep comfort and sanctuary, this felt like my natural territory. I stopped this particular habit when my mother noticed me missing one night and panicked, yet was bemused as to what the fuss was all about! The night was like a silky blanket of relief for me, a refuge from the harshness of the daylight reality where so much pain was experienced.
Later I came to understand that the dark is synonymous with the cosmic black light reality – the domain and territory of the soul. I am a soul walker, I simply know this landscape like the back of my hand. It’s so familiar to me that I can taste it with every pore of my being, I speak its language, and it knows me just the same. This is my natural territory, a landscape so easy to traverse that for most of my life I didn’t even realise I was doing it.
Thinking back over the last few years, none of this is new understanding. The truth is that I have always done the deep work, the profound soul-excavating, activating and exploratory work, but in peculiar secrecy. Client after client appeared, almost all of whom were dealing with their own version of seriously deep trauma, arriving announcing “I’m not sure why, but I know you can help me. I know I’m meant to work with you for some reason.” I had never said overtly what exactly I could provide to them, but clearly they knew without the need for words. This has been a startlingly common experience, almost humorous that my “hidden purpose” wasn’t obvious!
But true purpose, and illumination of true purpose, cannot be forced. It comes in its own exquisite divinely orchestrated timing, taking into account the vast and intimately interconnected, delicate, supremely elegant web of life within which all beings are suspended. The shamanic perspective is one that recognises the tiniest thread of existence touches all others, and to live a moment before or later than its time disturbs the most tender unfolding of divine composition, and great care is taken at all times not to put a single finger out of place.
The path of purpose is a path of initiation, and is not for the faint-hearted, as anyone on this path knows very well… True purpose unfolds not through an individual’s attempt to enforce their will on life, but through co-operation with the subtle currents of Infinite direction guiding the dance of one’s movement through the endless landscape of existence… We play a game of hide and seek with ourselves, concealing areas only to discover them again later with great delight.
Regarding timing and the hiding of things from oneself, parts of our being, including unresolved areas of past, remain “unconscious” for very specific reasons, as it is in the wider sphere of life (one of the reasons why lightworkers should never try to force consciousness on others). Anything that exists serves some purpose in some way, although it might not be apparent on face-value appearances. Furthermore, we simply cannot see what is unconscious to us until the light of either our own being or somebody else’s acting as a temporary torchbearer illuminates our blind spots.
I see this all the time with my clients; somebody presents with a particular issue in their life, and they have no awareness whatsoever that their responses are stemming largely from trauma or something else that is as yet outside of their line of vision. It’s my job to bring into full consciousness what is unconscious to them, so that they have an opportunity to show up differently and thus create a different experience, exactly as the journey I’ve taken through my own being has been. There is no true darkness, only places where we haven’t yet ventured on the endless journey of self-discovery.
“There will be no more secrets”
My name is Ciara and I’m a Mystic, Conscious Catalyst and Spiritual Guide for Spiritual Guides.
I help highly conscious Visionary Beings on the accelerated evolutionary journey to step into their full potential as Wayshowers and Luminaries at this most exciting juncture in cosmic evolution; claiming, unleashing, embracing and embodying all they can be. It’s my profound privilege to do this work.
This kind of journey is distinctly different to what is understood in the mainstream, and requires its own very specific form of support, aided by one who has walked the path and knows the pitfalls, stumbling blocks and shortcuts.
As a Spiritual Guide for Spiritual Guides, I’m here to guide you into the full illumination of all that you are as a healer and guide in your own right, dissolving the obstacles that keep you up at night. You will know if working with me calls to you, and I invite you to reach out if your heart tells you that this is right. I offer a wide variety of ways to work together, you can explore them here, or drop me a message directly to discuss the options and collaboratively uncover what format of support may be most suitable for you. Many blessings on your journey!