Happy day Beautiful Sisters! Today, we start our journey back into exploring each of the Inner Family together 🙂
Because everyone is in different places with this information it’s hard to know where to start, but after feeling into the whole group I have a sense of how we should approach – we will make sure we cover all the basics for those who are knew to this info or really haven’t explored it to great depths before, while also covering some novel angles that should take everyone’s relationship to their Inner Family a bit deeper. We won’t spend a long time going over the basics as a group, but will just ensure the basics are established, and if anyone needs additional info or support, please do feel free to prompt me 🙂
We begin with the mysterious, magical and mighty Inner Child – who is far more than meets the eye!
The Inner Child is widely known of in spiritual and self-development circles, but most systems only manage to go so far with addressing its healing and reclamation. Why? Firstly because the rest of the Inner Family is either not known about, or forgotten. The Inner Child cannot heal in isolation! It needs its whole family unit functioning together in Oneness for it to be restored to wholeness. The same is the case for all of the other Inner Family members, as so as we explore each of them, we will do so within the context of the rest of the Family and never on their own.
Secondly, because the roots of the Inner Child go far deeper than most spiritual systems are aware of – it was the first Inner Family member to form, and the full scope of its presence and experience has vast cosmic ramifications. Quite simply, there is more to it than meets the eye, and a larger cosmic awareness is really needed for us to touch the true extent of what it is possible for us to tap into here.
To begin with, the Inner Child is the absolute core of the Inner Family, and seat of our magic through connection to the power of the moment (the place where all power is contained). Without the Inner Child, the rest of the Inner Family falls apart. Its true role in the family in wholeness is the very inverse of what many of us experienced in childhood – it is the central, treasured family piece around which the rest of the family interacts, rather than a neglected afterthought. Once the whole Inner Family is in wholeness, all can turn their eyes to the Infinite, but this doesn’t happen in a functional way until the dynamics between the family pieces themselves are first healed.
In the dream of separation, the Inner Child was the neglected afterthought. Almine speaks of how the rest of the Inner Family (which actually formed after the Inner Child, making them later creations) turned their back on the Inner Child and as the magic of life was forgotten, began to regard its input as unimportant. When an Inner Family piece is reversed, it forms a mirror – this is the root cause of all the horrible childhood dreams that many of us experienced in the old cosmic reality. To recognise that all the dreams of horror were caused by bouncing around in a world of mirrors and simply inverting the mirror to restore the true picture of wholeness of expression is profoundly healing. Doing so completely eliminates the concept of “forgiveness” and many of the other concepts that are spoken of in the mainstream healing world. What is there to forgive when you realise the nature of the mirrored phenomenon emanating from the central core of your own being, and that nothing was as it seemed?
The very first step in healing the Inner Child is to simply be present with it, to sit with it in true presence and really listen and hear it (perhaps for the first time), to let it know that its presence and gifts are deep treasured, and that we will not abandon it again – ending the nightmare of self-alienation from this more precious core of our own beings. The second step is to get it involved with the rest of the Inner Family, so that it one takes its place as part of a stable and loving family unit.
Video – The Vast Importance of Bringing Presence to the Inner Child – https://youtu.be/dD2SYb5ji-E
Healing the Schism of the Inner Family
- Any dysfunctional relationship situation in our lives is an outer manifestation of a dynamic that exists in the inner psyche (between the “Inner Family” pieces)
- When not consciously lived as internalised power sources, the 4 primary Inner Family pieces form externalised mirrors that become our environment. In this way, our environment is a mirror of where we are not living fully, rather than being an expression of our wholeness. Hence, as we move through life we bump consistently into self-created opposition. The first step towards empowerment is to realise that this is the case, and that this state is reversible through taking up the power of the Inner Family pieces deliberately.
- Healing the relationship between the pieces of the psyche, or Inner Family, is the key to healing duality within ourselves, which is the key to having our full potential be accessible in physical life. When mastered, the primary four Inner Family pieces form the stable foundation in our lives onto which the greater power of our larger being can pour. Think of this like having a deeply loving, connected, supportive and unconditionally loving family unit within.
The very foundational basics of interaction dynamics between the primary four Inner Family members – Inner Child, Inner Sage, Inner Nurturer, Inner Warrior:
In Harmony – The function of the Inner Child aspect is to interpret its reality through non-cognitive feeling. It does this by intuitively “sensing” in a way that cannot be rationally explained. We often say that young children just “know”, but this is dismissed as we grow older. We are taught to doubt these feeling senses because they do not tally up with logic and reasoning. When we once again rekindle the relationship with this part of ourselves, the Inner Child and its myriad gifts come back online. In a harmonious Inner Family relationship, the Child then conveys these feelings to the Inner Sage, who listens deeply to the child’s non-cognitive knowing and ensures that a standard of living that supports the whole family’s well-being is carefully designed and maintained.
In Dysfunction – The dysfunctional Inner Child projects its feelings onto its external reality expecting others to deal with its emotions rather than processing them itself. It throws tantrums when it does not get what it wants because the other Inner Family members are not listening to its needs. As a result, it demands that those in its external environment tend to its neediness instead, and then feels deeply upset when it is unheard, ignored and misunderstood.
In Harmony – The function of the Inner Sage is to hear the feelings of the Inner Child and to interpret them into a more structured format that can then be interpreted by the other family members. As the Sage is the closest to the child, yet masculine in relation to the child’s feminine non-cognitive nature, it combines it’s masculine skill of discernment with the feminine sensing skills of the child to produce a more cohesive understanding of what is called for in any given moment. It them passes on the combined masculine/feminine information to the Inner Nurturer, who takes appropriate action to ensure that the whole family is correctly tended to. At all times the whole Inner Family unit is considered, rather than any of the pieces being considered in isolation).
Both Inner Sage and Inner Child require attendance and nurturing, in a variety of different ways. For example, at times the Inner Child may require comforting, and at other times it may require discipline, much like a child in your outer environment might. Discipline may be needed because its behaviour is out of line and causing chaos in our lives (for example in the form of self-sabotage, procrastination, overeating, etc). It could be also that it feels threatened or vulnerable and needs reassurance from the Inner Nurturer that everything is ok, which will stop it’s “out of line” behaviour. Discerning the difference comes from building a relationship with each of these pieces within yourself. Think of this like the relationship between a mother and child in an outer family unit, except within your own being.
Examples of where the Inner Sage may require nurturing would be where it feels its wisdom is not being received or appreciated by others and it starts to doubt its contribution, or alternately, discipline may be required if it attempting to forcing advice or wisdom onto others where it is not asked for, in a way that is non-helpful and non-honouring of their autonomy.
In Dysfunction – The dysfunctional Inner Sage, rather than listening to the Inner Child (which is its actual job), instead occupies itself judging and criticising external reality. The real job of the Inner Sage is to be home for the rest of the Inner Family, and in doing so he changes outer appearances, causing what we see in our reality to be a beautiful out-picturing of wholeness and deep self-fulfilment.
In Harmony – The function of the Inner Nurturer is to attend to the needs of the innermost members of the family (Child and Sage) as well as to the Inner Warrior on the very outer circle. The Nurturer provides nurturing in a variety of ways, which sometimes will be in the form of “tough love”. Just as a child needs discipline to be healthy, the Inner Child needs discipline in just the same way. Without discipline the Child becomes dysfunctional and difficult to manage, as well as untrusting, since it feels that is has been abandoned by its parents. The Nurturer is the loving hand that both comforts and guides without judgement or criticism – it is feminine in relation to the Inner Sage and so is able to tend to the Inner Sage’s masculine aspects too, like a loving female would tend to the much beloved grandfather of a family.
The Inner Nurturer ensures that the Inner Child’s needs are always tended to so that it is contended within its reality, and so that it has a safe space in which to express fully, sharing its joy and magic with the rest of the family (again, imagine this like a happy, loved and cared for child in any family – the child lights up the lives of everyone).
The Inner Nurturer is also the aspect that provides “self nurturing” and makes self-care the utmost priority. It realises that if it is worn out it will be unable to attend to its family duties. The Nurturer communicates the situation of the Inner Family to the Inner Warrior who then ensures an appropriate strategy is designed to keep the whole family happy (for example, making sure that we have appropriate time off, or that we don’t get into situations that are going to harm us). It is the task of the Nurturer to ensure the Warrior is aware of exactly what is required for all to flourish.
In Dysfunction – The dysfunctional Nurturer abandons its Inner Family and fusses instead with “caring for” the external world. It does not listen to the needs of its own Child and allows the Sage to run riot in judging the outside world. Unwilling or unable to confront the Child, it distracts itself with what it perceives as “outer children”, which is the projection of its inner aspects reflected in others and that it will readily find if it looks for them.
It will be only too happy to put up with the unacceptable from others as that gives it a chance to perform the nurturing role for those it perceives to be more vulnerable. It will also be happy to lend a hand in the creation of further dysfunctional relationships/scenarios for it to “tend to”. This does not mean that a functional Nurturer does not care for others, but that it tends to its own inner life first and foremost, realising that unless this is in place it is actually not that much use in terms of real support for anybody else either.
In Harmony – The function of the Inner Warrior is to form strategies for navigation of life that consider the needs of the entire family. It “defends the boundaries” of the entire family, like a sentinel at the gates of our inner being, as well as defending the gates of the mind – ensuring purity of our thoughts and feelings, and stalking our motives. It listens to the instructions relayed by the Nurturer and forms a structured “plan of action” to ensure that the whole family is adequately tended to (you might imagine this like a strong father figure in a family unit).
It discerns where there is a need for boundaries and where action needs to be implemented to affect outer change in our lives. It could be said that it “defends the welfare” of the Inner Family (vs. being “defensive”). It is the “frontrunner” that shields the more sensitive parts of the Inner Family from undue exposure to harsher external elements. Where it is functional, it ensures that the Child, for example, is not left vulnerable to things such as external programming or the agendas of others which could hinder the freedom of the Child’s innocent exploration of life.
It ensures that the Child has freedom of expression within areas in which it discerns it is safe to express, but similarly it does not leave it unattended and encourage childlike expression in inappropriate places. The Warrior is also the sexual aspect, so for example it is not appropriate for the Child to express during sexuality. The Warrior safeguards the sanctity of the family by ensuring that all the inner parts are kept in order.
In Dysfunction – The dysfunctional Warrior constantly defends itself from everything external that it perceives to be a threat. It is defensive in general and what one could call “moody” or prone to bouts of sudden anger or rage. Because it feels itself to have been abandoned by the rest of the Inner Family when none of them are communicating to it their deeper feelings, it experiences a sense of being “cut off” and thus attacks everything out of confusion (imagine this like the father in a family who is not properly communicated to, and feels isolated as a result).
It is masculine in relation to the feminine Nurturer and Child and does not have the same non-cognitive feeling senses. Thus the Warrior relies entirely on the Inner Nurturer to be functional in its role of clearly communicating what is going on within, so that it can understand the emotional needs of the rest of the family. If the Nurturer is out of balance then the Warrior too will tend to be confused. Confusion is at the root of what causes “bad behaviour”, which is a survival mechanism when we feel disconnected. The sense of confusion is alleviated when all the Inner Family parts work in harmony – the Warrior should eventually merge with the Child so that the two express in integrated co-operation.
Imagine the dynamics of the Inner Family in the same way you might imagine a harmonious and co-operative outer family unit to function, except within your own being. Some have never experienced what a harmonious family should look like, and if this is the case for you, use your imagination to feel into what it would look like if you could have it. Spend some time getting to know each of the Inner Family pieces and learning how they speak to you. This will be quite unique to every individual.
The relay of communication between the Inner Family pieces, from“Journey to the Heart of God” by Almine.
– Receives interpretation of non-cognitive feelings from Inner Sage
– Communicates to Inner Nurturer when it is safe for vulnerable parts to express and creates strategy for the Inner Family
– Receives Inner Child’s feelings and interprets them
– Communicate deductions to the Inner Warrior to act upon
– Receives information from Inner Warrior as to when Inner Child can express and strategy for Inner Family
– Communicates with Inner Child in a loving parental role
– Expresses its unanalysed feelings to the Inner Sage
– Receives parenting from Inner Nurturer and its dreaming impressions”
One excellent way to get acquainted with the voice of the Inner Child and to begin (or continue) the journey of healing it is through writing. Exercise: sit with a pen and paper and just let yourself write unedited stream of consciousness style from the Inner Child. What comes up?
To be continued 🙂